Cat Rambo's "You Sexy Thing"

texanba Nisan 29, 2022

Cat Rambo (they/them) is an American fantasy and science fiction writer whose work has appeared in, among others, Asimov's, Weird Tales, Chiaroscuro, Talebones, and Strange Horizons. A graduate of the Johns Hopkins Writing Seminars, where they studied with John Barth and Steve Dixon, they also attended the Clarion

West Writers' Workshop. Their most recent works include And The Last Trump Shall Sound (co-written with James Morrow and Harry Turtledove), the fantasy novel Exiles of Tabat, and the space opera You Sexy Thing. They live, write, and teach somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. “Cat Rambo” is their real name.

Here Rambo dreamcasts an adaptation of You Sexy Thing:

If they were making a movie of my book the most important casting wouldn’t be a face, but a voice.

That’s because the title character, You Sexy Thing, is an intelligent bio-ship. It’s just learning about self-awareness, and these weird things called emotions, and all sorts of things. That’s a result of its interactions with the crew of mercenaries-turned-restaurateurs that have stolen it, and that’s something else that the ship feels the need to sort out, because it’s not really sure it wants to be stolen.

So I want a voice full of charm and unwarranted bravado, the cocky kid who knows it all -- but will cheerfully admit it when they don’t. To me, that’s Ryan Reynolds, though maybe a little higher pitched to show how comparatively young the ship is.

It’s an ensemble cast, so plenty of other actors will be needed. Most of the other characters are aliens so again faces may not be as important as the voices. Dabry needs a deep solemnity about himself that also doesn’t take things too seriously. Maybe Andre Braugher for him, if he’s up to the challenge of playing a purple-skinned, four-armed sergeant-turned-chef.

Skidoo is a Tlellan, a composite alien made of brightly colored tentacles and a strong libido. For her, I’d like Nicola Mary Coughlan from Derry Girls and Bridgerton, who I think could tackle the charm and enthusiasm that marks that character.

Donald Glover for both Thorn and Talon, because I loved him so much in Community, and he could absolutely pull off being a pair of twin were-lions.

Lassite is a Sessile, a snake-like alien, and I had to spend a good bit of time thinking about him. I’d actually like Benedict Cumberbatch because who wouldn’t want Benedict Cumberbatch in their movie?

Kaniehtiio Horn, who I most recently saw in the series Reservation Dogs, for Milly, a white-feathered pastry chef who happens to be very good with knives. She makes a great pragmatic smart-ass, and that’s Milly.

Gio doesn’t talk but signs. For him, I’d go with Roddy McDowell, because who better to play a sous-chef chimpanzee?

Captain Niko is human, and Aisha Tyler would totally be my pick there for both look and voice. Our other human, Atlanta, would be Auli'i Crovalho, who played Moana and again has both the right look plus the right voice.

As you see - quite a crew! And I do think they’d make an awesome movie.